Under The Influence

I am constantly seeing people introduced on TV and social platforms as “Influencers”. I have to confess, until a few months ago, I had no idea what an “influencer” was. I had to ask my daughter, who couldn’t help but smile at my lack of pop culture currency. She explained to me that influencers are people who blog or post consistently about various products or services or causes in an attempt to “influence” public opinion. This is usually done with the ulterior motive of selling something.

My daughter further tells me that people are making a ton of money and becoming national celebrities doing this sort of thing. Apparently all they do is sit by their laptops and type opinions. Companies pay them money to express favorable opinions.

Really? Gee. I could do that. I spend a lot of time sitting by my laptop and typing opinions, but so far nobody has offered me a cent. Guess I just don’t influence anybody.

Let’s see, if I wanted to become an influencer, what exactly would I want to influence people to do? Buy clothing? I don’t know clothing. I’ve had the same three pairs of blue jeans for ten years. When I hang them up they curl into a sitting position in the shape of my posterior on the hanger.

Review restaurants? My idea of a big night out is ordering the combo instead of just the burger. I’m not what you would call a connoisseur. I couldn’t even spell connoisseur. Had to look it up.

Evaluate TV and movies? All we watch these days is Andy Griffith, game shows, football and local news. I can’t make it through the sexual saturation, graphic violence, and profane language of most everything else.

Books? Never been much of a fan. I read a lot of child stories to my grandkids. Maybe I could blog about what’s really going on between Winnie the Pooh and Tigger.

Home improvement? Yeah, right. The biggest home improvement project I’ve ever undertaken is picking up toys after grandkids have scattered them everywhere.

Fitness? Please. I’m in such bad shape my mirror refuses to reflect my image.

(Sigh) Guess I just don’t have any strong enough opinions to be an influencer. At least not strong enough that somebody would pay me to express them. I’d love to influence people to keep those Bernie Sanders memes coming. Can’t get enough of those. I love chocolate brownies, old insulated slippers, Tom Hanks, dachshunds, two person porch swings, cashews, and daffodils.

Anybody want to pay me for influencing about any of those?

Didn’t think so.