WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF US?

Recently Sharon and I took part in a group tour of the Bible History Museum in LaGrange, Georgia. We saw replicas of homes, workplaces and worship centers during the time Jesus walked the earth. We learned some of the curious pagan traditions, rituals, beliefs and gadgets of that era, many of which seem silly to us today. We were even treated to a typical feast of the Bible era. Man, I don’t know how they survived without fried chicken and banana pudding.

On the bus ride home, I couldn’t help thinking that a thousand years from now, someone will create a 21st Century museum, where they will reproduce scenes from our time and try to explain our culture. So we take you now to the year 3019 where this blog post might go something like this:

“Greetings fellow droids. My carbon-based companion unit and I recently transported to a new attraction. It’s a 21st century museum! It’s located a few galaxies south so it was a long trip. Probably took at least 5 or 6 seconds and we were a little jet-lagged from that body cell re-integration but its well worth the journey to study this curious section of history.

The early 21st century was still the skin and bone era. Titanium bodies would not become the norm for another several hundred years. So these people were susceptible to disease and injury. They only lived about 70 to 100 years! Can you imagine? That’s not even long enough to travel to the Quatong quadrant for a sensory recharge! And they had funny names, like ‘Michael’ and ‘Susan’ and ‘Jason’, so weird-sounding compared to common names like XJ50695T32 (or XJ for short).

They had no nutrient shock waves to supply their feeding needs. They actually spent hours preparing and consuming an array of ‘foods’. The strangest part of this ritual is that the ‘food’ was damaging to their skin and bone bodies. It would bloat them up and cause them to malfunction. They knew this would happen but they did it anyway! There may be an explanation for this in one of their favorite expressions: ‘You only live once’. Haha! Those of us getting up there in our 7th and 8th life cycles can relate!

We saw artifacts of their ancient communication devices. I believe one of them was called ‘I-phone’. They had to type or speak into the device to get a message to someone. Must have taken several seconds. Makes you wonder what we did before telepathy chips. I know what you’re thinking (I mean I literally KNOW what you’re thinking). What a waste of time!

We saw ancient entertainment tools called ‘TV sets’. They would play stories of love, war and romance with occasional recitations of current events, most of which were quite depressing. There was nothing as funny and engaging as some of our current holograms like ‘Everybody Loves Meepzorp’ and ‘Milky Way’s Got Talent’.

We were taken to a re-creation of a tall, oval structure they called a ‘stadium’. Thousands of them would gather there to watch competitions where the object was to knock each other down and carry a ball to the end of a field, only then to give it back to the other team and then knock them down. Meanwhile the audience would shout things that didn’t make any sense, like ‘Rammer jammer yellow hammer’, or ‘Weagle weagle’.

Weirdest of all, the female of the species facilitated the reproduction process by actually carrying the baby in her body for nine months! The baby would then be delivered, skin and bone and all, with great pain and ‘labor’.
Whew! Sure am glad my 27 test tube daughters won’t have to endure that!

All in all it was a great tour. I highly recommend it. Now I have to wrap this up. My infant son VZ495621L is going to trip and fall in ten seconds.”