ARE YOU STILL HIP? TAKE MY QUIZ! or: When did jorts go out of style?

So recently I was riding in the back seat of an SUV with my son-in-law  driving, my daughter in the front seat,  and Sharon and me in the back with the baby.  We were cruising through a busy mall parking lot, looking for a place to pull in, when a fortyish man crossed our path on foot.

“Look”, my son-in-law exclaimed to my daughter,  “He’s wearing jorts!”  Whereupon they both burst into laughter.   I immediately cast my eyes downward toward my lap…and there they were….right below my burgeoning belly.  I was wearing jorts.  “Uh-oh”, I blurted out.  “I’m wearing them too.”  More laughter, followed by the revelation from my daughter that jorts have been hopelessly out of style for years.

No way, I thought.  So I began to study every other man walking around the mall.  All were wearing shorts.  But no jorts.  Zero.  Zip.  Zilch.  Nada.  Not a single pair.  Most wore sporting those preppy looking cargo-type shorts.

Still incredulous, I went on the internet to consult my bible of coolness and fashion trend:  the urban dictionary.  I typed in the word “jorts”.  Here’s what it said:

“Jean shorts.  Worn mostly by children…jorts are perhaps the easiest way to recognize people you will not like.   If you wear jorts, you probably don’t talk to girls”.

When did this happen?  I wear mine all the time…..all…the…..time.

That’s when it hit me.  I am displaying the first symptom of being a senior:  Losing track of the mainstream….falling out of style…becoming,  dare I say it, Unhip.

This is usually followed by the second symptom:  Not caring.  When I got home I took a look at myself in a full length mirror.  I couldn’t help but notice my glasses were the frameless Ben Franklin style.  Very stylish…..ten years ago.  I was wearing gym socks, not the little anklets.  Yes, I could no longer deny it.  I was decidedly Unhip.  (I also use the word “hip” alot.  Also very unhip)

It’s too late for me.  But as a public service to you, I offer the following brief quiz to test your degree of hipicity.   Try to answer each question the way an in-style, trendy, person of today would respond.  Ready?  Here we go:

The name of Justin Timberlake’s hot new song is:

A.  Tearin’ Up My Heart

B.  Bye,  Bye, Bye

C.  Can’t Stop the Feeling

D.  Wait…..you mean he’s not with NSYNC anymore?

 

Wearing white socks with sandals is:

A.  A popular new street trend

B.  A comfortable way to walk your dog in the morning

C.  the reason your children refuse to be seen with you in public

 

Beyonce is currently married to:

A.  Jay Z

B.  Zee Jay

C.  Ex Why Zee

 

The current cool way of wearing a ball cap is:

A.  backwards

B.  sideways

C.  with the price tag still dangling

D.  pulled down over your eyes so you can’t see people staring at        your jorts

 

Wallpaper with teapots on it is:

A.  currently trendy in new homes

B.  only found in the restrooms of Chinese restaurants

C.  likely to send your real estate agent screaming out the front door

 

The current style of lapels on a man’s suitcoat is:

A.  wide

B.  narrow

C.  it doesn’t matter.  I’m wearing what’s in my closet

D.  so I guess my leisure suit is out of the question?

 

Drake is:

A.  A pop singer currently dating Rihanna

B.  a male duck

C.  a college in Iowa

D.  …….are you sure Justin Timberlake is no longer with NSYNC?

 

For the correct answers, consult any young adult.  If you would like to share your thoughts and stories of the loss of your hipnology,  please comment.  My misery would love company.