“Lay down flat on your back”, she said. “Put your hands on your chest and lay your head in the stabilizing helmet. Most importantly, try not to move in any way”. Then she folded a covering over my face and locked it down. “Are you ready?” she asked. “Yes ma’am” I replied. “You’ll be in there about fifteen minutes” she said as she slid me into the narrow tube.
I had been having issues with headaches. Kind of a constant pressure on my temples and forehead. The dull ache had been there for about a month and showed no sign of letting up. This was frightening to me because I’m not a headache person. I never got headaches. There’s no natural reason for this, I thought. I’m not under a lot of stress or tension. I haven’t fallen or suffered a concussion. I don’t have eye strain. When I told all this to my neurologist, he immediately scheduled me for an MRI scan of my brain.
So there I lay, motionless, eyes closed, tightly stuffed into a narrow tube, a machine probing my skull, with only my thoughts to keep me company. I said a few prayers. Then, being a natural born pessimist, I chose to prepare myself for the worst possible scenario. What if they find a brain tumor? What then?
If this is the beginning of the end, what am I to make of my life? After pondering the possibility, I decided I’m not afraid to die. I know my eternal future is secure. I thought about how incredibly blessed I have been. Wife, kids, grandkids, career and friends. I’ve truly had it all.
I thought about regrets. People I wish I had treated better. Situations I could have handled with more love and patience. I thought about goals I had not yet accomplished. I thought about my grandkids growing up, wondering if I had established any kind of legacy in their minds, or if they would remember me at all. I thought about those who have crossed over before me, Mom and Dad, Grandma, a grandchild that was lost at birth, so many dear friends. I’m going to see them again! That gave me a warm feeling. I thought about that verse in the Bible where Jesus said “I go to prepare a place for you”.
It was at that point I felt the anxiety drain out of my body. I found myself at peace as the weird electronic noises around me stopped, and I felt myself being slid out of the tube. Whatever you want Lord, I’m ready to face it.
The next day the neurologist called to tell me my MRI was completely normal. No brain tumors. I’m on medication for the headaches, and they seem to be getting better. But I can’t stop thinking about the feeling of security and tranquility I felt coming out of that tube. I scrambled to find that Bible passage. It’s John 14:2-3.
“My Father’s house has many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I have prepared a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me so you also can be where I am.”
Turns out I wasn’t alone in that tube after all.