There is more out there. More than you know. More than you want. More than you can take. I’m talking about Christmas music. There is more out there than Bing Crosby, Burl Ives, Dean Martin, Andy Williams, Johnny Mathis and Mannheim Steamroller. More than Brenda Lee, Josh Groban, Elvis and Frank Sinatra.
In fact, if you’ll pardon the grammar, in the music biz, you ain’t nobody til you record a Christmas album. Just out of curiosity, and also because I basically have no life, I decided to surf the internet to find the Christmas music you DON’T hear on the radio and in the retail stores. Here’s a few examples of albums that I found guaranteed to make your holiday season a little more……….unique?
A JAMES BROWN FUNKY CHRISTMAS….One of the cuts is titled “Santa’s Goin’ to the Ghetto”. It’s yuletide tunes designed to make you feel good like you knew that you would.
A COLONEL SANDERS CHRISTMAS……and you thought all he did was make fried chicken.
CHRISTMAS IN THE STARS: A STAR WARS CHRISTMAS…..various sounds of the season sung by, hold your breath, C-3PO and Artoo. I think I might have heard the Wookie in the background. The force was definitely not with them.
A MEOWY CHRISTMAS……Sure Bing Crosby did an okay job of singing Little Drummer Boy, but you haven’t really experienced it until you’ve heard it sung by cats. Just make sure your dog is not in the room when you play it.
YULETIDE DISCO……Yes my friends, get out those leisure suits and polka dotted shirts because Disco is not dead! It lives on in this collection of traditional Christmas songs done to a disco beat. It’s like having John Travolta and the Bee Gees in your living room. You will have to invest in a strobe light to get the full effect.
A TWISTED CHRISTMAS……Don’t like disco? How about heavy metal? Twisted Sister puts fuzz tone guitars and pounding bass on to the classics. I’ll bet you never knew that Silent Night had a drum solo.
HUNG FOR THE HOLIDAYS…….Remember reality show wannabe William Hung? He had his 5 minutes of fame years ago but he used about three of those minutes to put together this medley of holiday offerings. Once again, the judges were not impressed.
JINGLE BABIES…..A gaggle of babies cooing and ooing and ahhing to various sounds of the season. Wonder how many times the recording session had to be stopped for diaper changes.
CHRISTMAS ON DEATH ROW…..I skipped right past this one. I don’t want to know.
A WAFFLE HOUSE CHRISTMAS…..Apparently all the wonderful tunes you enjoyed while wolfing down those omelets are now available on LP. By the way, it’s available 24 hours a day.
I hope you and your family have a most wonderful and blessed Christmas and New Year. And after reading this, if you want to stick with Bing and Burl, I will totally understand.