So you’ve raised your kids, they’re grown and gone, and, in fact, are now having kids of their own. This, of course, puts you into that exciting new phase known as The Grandparent Zone.
As you reflect on this miracle of generational procreation, most of us can’t resist a little self-critique, a reflection of how we did as a parent…a little self-scorecard of what you feel you did right or wrong. And when you come to the wrong parts, naturally you make a promise to yourself that you will absolutely correct these mistakes when it comes to dealing with your grandkids.
I have been blessed with two beautiful grandchildren over the past two years. Thus, I have had the perfect opportunities to correct the mistakes of my first parenting adventure. I had my list of best practices ready. So, in the interest of making the world a better place, I thought you might like to see part of that list, and how it turned out. My agenda included, but was not limited to, the following:
“This time around, I will not lose my temper and yell at my grandkids, as I did all too often with my children.” Actually, I was doing quite well with this. I would sit back with a knowing smirk on my face as my little grand-toddler systematically worked her way through the house, investigating every iota of merchandise in the building. ” How cute” I burbled, filled with wisdom and poise.
That was until she discovered the wondrous world of my TV remote control, with all of its fascinating buttons. From that point on, I would find myself watching an intense football game one minute, only to see the channel change to a show about somebody cooking linguini, followed rapidly by a change to some stud with facial hair showing a young couple how to remodel their house, followed by an infomercial to correct my turkey neck, followed by a meter to test my signal strength. Try as I might to hide the remote, it always seemed to end up back in her hands. Her resourcefulness was impressive! But eventually it became increasingly less cute and ultimately there was yelling and that was the end of this particular resolution.
“This time around, I will resolve to be more of a help to my wife and daughter and be more willing to change wet and dirty diapers”. Yeah, honestly, this sounded nice in my head but it was never really going to happen. I did become better at recognizing the signs that an event was about to take place. There is that hard squint of the eyes and the cheeks turning red. At that point I would turn to Sharon and say something like “Gee dear, I’ve been hogging the child all day. Here, you hold him for awhile.” Unfortunately, my wife being much smarter than me, that only worked once.
“This time around, I will resist the temptation to feed them junk to keep them happy, and will insist they eat healthy food.” Even just typing that now makes me laugh. What was I thinking? You can’t go back to peas and carrots once they’ve had a sampling of banana pudding and chocolate cream pie. So they bounce off the walls. They’re going back to Mom and Dad soon anyway
“I will spend more quality time with them” No problem. They should fit quite nicely on my golf cart as I get in a quick 18.
You get the idea. In the end we’re kind of wired to be the caretakers we have been, and our parenting skills are what they are. Fortunately, love overcomes a myriad of mistakes. And then you look at your own kids, see that they’ve grown up to be good, solid human beings, and realize you’ve muddled through pretty well.
So take heart. You will love being a grandparent. Enjoy making those wonderful mistakes all over again.