kenlassblog

Recently we took our four young grandchildren to the drive up window at a local fast food restaurant for lunch. They are ages 11, 9, 8 and 5. They all wanted chicken nugget children’s meals, so we ordered four of them. The food was handed to us in four separate bags. So we drove home, got everybody seated around the table, and began distributing the bags.

Unfortunately, when one of the boys emptied his bag, he found his french fries and his toy, but no chicken. As you can imagine, he was very upset that everybody else was munching on their nuggets while he had none. That’s when something unexpected happened. Each of the other three children voluntarily offered him one of their nuggets. They did it on their own, with no coaching from us. The boy was delighted, and all four wound up with the same number of pieces.

It was the type of spontaneous, random kindness and love that gives you faith in mankind. I pray every day those children will carry that sense of unselfish ministry with them throughout their lives. They modeled an important lesson for me. One we all should learn.

Remember that old childhood refrain “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. Kids used to say it whenever somebody said something mean to them. It was a snappy comeback. Unfortunately, it was dead wrong.

Words do hurt. They can cut like a knife. The worst part is, damage caused by words is almost never forgotten. A physical wound will eventually heal, but if someone hurts your feelings with words, you carry that memory with you forever. Even if the other person apologizes, you will find it hard to forget the things they said.

That’s a shame, because most hurtful things are said in anger and not really meant. We all need to make verbal self discipline a priority. Think before you lash out. Once the words slip from your mouth, there’s no putting them back in. Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will destroy a relationship forever.

Have you noticed it is hard to convince young people these days to save money for the future? We live in a here and now culture. The younger generation doesn’t wait to enjoy the comforts and luxuries that only older, more financially established adults can afford. They want them now, and often go into heavy debt to achieve them. This is a recipe for eventual disaster.

Sharon and I were blessed to be raised by parents who preached saving money from our childhood on. We both took it to heart. And we are so glad we did. With the incredible cost of living these days, I’m not sure what we would have done without our savings, and the investment of them. But imparting that philosophy to younger generations seems more difficult. The lure of immediate gratification is strong.

Of course, not everyone is able to save money. They live paycheck to paycheck. That’s why it’s so critical for kids and teenagers to shift into savings mode as early in life as possible. They need to be ahead of the game when it comes time to be self-supporting. So keep preaching.

The future has a price, and many will not be able to pay it.

I recently read about an experiment to improve brain function in an AARP article. The study of around 2,800 people indicated that it’s not so much we lose memory as we get older, it’s that our brains grow weaker in the ability to retrieve information. Put simply, it’s harder to think faster. The study found that folks who engaged in testing and activities that forced them to make quicker decisions actually showed a lower risk of developing dementia.

According to the article, doing things such as playing pickleball or tennis, which requires you to quickly react and think where you want to hit the ball, is an example. Another is learning to play a musical instrument, which forces your mind to quickly think about how to perform the next chord in a song.

So take comfort in the fact you are probably not losing your memories and knowledge. They’re just hiding in a closet and the door is getting more difficult to open. We’ve got to keep tugging on it.

Write it down. That has become the mantra of my life. I can no longer rely on my short term memory. It seems to have packed up and left. So I am never further than arm’s reach away from my little notebook and pen. I write down names of people I need to contact, phone numbers, so many phone numbers. Often I forget to scribble out whose phone numbers they are, which renders them meaningless in a few days.

I write down new passwords, ideas for blogs and columns, bible verses, appointments, honey-do’s, birthdays, shopping lists, and really anything I want to remember. Basically, my life is in my notebook. When I go back and browse through it, it actually amounts to a fairly good summary of the quality of how I spend my time. Sometimes I am surprised at how much effort I spent on silly things.

Maybe not a bad idea for you. Take a moment to write down anything you want to keep in mind. Then go back and review it after several weeks. You may find you are spending too much time in non-productive pursuits. The notebook doesn’t lie. Unless you are lying to yourself.

In a track meet, occasionally you get a restart. In the sprint events, if somebody comes out of the blocks a tad early, the race is stopped and you start all over again. But you only get so many restarts before you are disqualified. At that point, your race is over.

I like to think of waking up every morning that same way. Every day I am given the blessing of getting out of bed it amounts to a restart. I feel blessed with another chance to accomplish something I have yet to do, to correct a problem or a failure on my part, to be a better person, to show love for others more unselfishly.

But just like those track athletes, you only get so many restarts before your race on this earth is over. So make today a better race than yesterday. When you go to bed tonight, do so feeling you have won the day. And even if things didn’t go well, you get to look forward to another fresh start tomorrow.

Sometimes you just need to take a break. A short break. It can do wonders. I was recently trying to assemble a nightstand for my bedroom. No matter how closely I tried to follow the instructions, I just couldn’t get a few of the pieces to fit properly. After several attempts I got so frustrated I started yelling and stomping around the house.

My wife Sharon just smiled and told me to take a short break. Relax and forget about it for an hour or two. I took her advice. A few hours later I returned to the project, and amazingly, I got everything to fit properly right away. Easy peasy.

I’m not sure why this works. Maybe your mind and your eye-hand coordination work more efficiently when you are fresh and calm. The same probably applies in relationships. Before you say something you may regret to someone, take a break. Cool down. Back off.

Turns out building a relationship is not that different from building a nightstand.

Have you ever been lied to? Anyone ever looked you in the eye and told you something that turned out to be untrue? You never forget that, right? That person has probably lost your trust permanently. From that point on, you likely take everything that person says with a grain of salt. You may never take them seriously again.

It doesn’t take much. Just one lie does irreversible damage to your credibility. Consider politicians. They have a reputation for spouting so many falsehoods, exaggerations and half-truths that no one believes them anymore. “Politician” has become a derogatory term.

We should always remember that trust is a precious and fragile thing. Once lost, it is near impossible to regain. We all need to be loved. But no one can love you without first trusting you. Think before you speak. Instead of lying, it’s better not to speak at all.

I am addicted to pickleball. I play three or four times a week. But there is one person in my group that drives me crazy. We are all just playing for fun and fellowship, but this individual is bossy and critical, and when this person starts losing, becomes hyper-sensitive about rules and starts calling out folks for extremely minor things the rest of us just ignore.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with this individual that I start to play badly. Recently, another one of our players put his arm around me and told me to just relax, just tune troublemakers out. Ignore them. Don’t give them the satisfaction of ruining your fun and joy. Don’t let their issues become your issues.

That’s pretty good advice in all aspects of life. Try your best to focus on the positive and the productive. Let the naysayers, the critics and the malcontents wallow in their own pessimism. There will always be those who would rain on your parade. Let their rain fall only on them.

I’ll be repeating that to myself the next time I’m on the court.